An To all the friends I have alienated and hurt. I am truly sorry to have treated you all will such disrespect. I have been truly troubled over the past year. And I have tested the loyalty of you all. I did in fact go to jail recently for disrepecting a great friend. 2 days in the slammer helps a man think. I'll will do my best to be a better friend myself. I always gave everything to everyone else in my life. When Stacie and I split... I became drunk with a "fuck you all" attitude. This attitude has made me lose most of the people who truly cared about me as friends.
I have a new job starting on Friday at a local Seattle software company as an engineering manager. I have a new apartment in Belltown. I am midstream in buying new furniture, electronics, dishes, clothes, toiletries, etc. I guess for now I am content in join ranks with my fellow rats in the race. I figure if I don't I'll probably end up dead, homeless, or in jail. I'm still on a quest to be the greatest artist of all time... but my reckless "party like a rockstar" has got to be stopped. I want to be remember as a good person above all else. This past 12 months... I have not been a good person. I never meant to hurt anyone... but hurt everyone.
Sorry. Wish me luck in my newest journey to be someone better than I am today.
My canvas threw up on me. I have also decided that finger painting is the best way to paint on the street. No brushes to clean.
On another note... I appear to be upsetting family and friends with my excesses and antics. Other than my mother I really don't fucking care what anyone else thinks. Any friend of mine will support my quest to be the greatest artist of all time. And being the greatest artist of all time means making people feel... so if you are happy, angry, agravated, embarrased or worried about me then I'm doing my job... I appreciate your concern... but my faith in humanity is small... I'm gonna do what I want to do when I want to do it... if you disagree with me... keep it to yourself... if you tell me not to do something... just makes me want to do it more.
Later... take care of yourselves... I'll take care of myself thanks.
Living with my friend Ed. We're gonna try to fix up his house and sell it. May take a few months. I've done some more art since being home. But have been adjusting to not being absolutely balls out nuts in Europe.
Oh I got Ed fired. Oops. But more time to work on the house with me.
The first day I met you? Aha, yes we came into a pub Annika & I with lollypops, they had all colours of the rainbow. You were sitting in the corner, drawing. We went to sit at the bar, cause Marco is my favourite barkeeper. We always make jokes. It is having fun in the bar ‘t Centrum. So you asked Marco while he is serving, what all the fun is about? And he said: Mushrooms! So you came to sit at the bar and we told you about a commercial on television. A town risk?? What the hack does that mean??? Zzzwwwzzzwww.. Oww you mean ‘at own risk!’ Sorry! And that’s how we met.
But the funny thing is.. I never used mushrooms! J
The days after we had a lot of fun. On Friday you mailed me that you had rented an apartment, Prinsengracht 666 sous.
We had a slumberparty in the weekend, and bought the devilshornets. So we went to a pub on the corner and everywhere we did go, we made people happy or just smile. After that we wanted to go to a bardancing, but you eyes were as big as plates en you were chewing your gum real badly, but we were still standing outside. So I said to you: Stop chewing! You look at me and chewing: What?? Stop chewing.
We were next. The guy who was before us couldn’t get in, because he had no lady with him.
So the security looks at us and he said. You can come in, but he can’t. So I asked why not? He said that you had too much to drink! So off we go! It was late, we went to a very lousy bar, but that wasn’t a big success, so we rolled along, back to the devilshouse!
On Sunday I had to go, to say goodbye to my dad, cause my grandmother was very ill. I had to hurry I was running late, so I went to the airport to say goodbye to my dad. On Tuesday (24 April) she died, my dad was too late.
On Monday we went on the scootertour, and I was your own private scooterBOB! We laughed all day. I am not a perfect driver but I’ll try to do better. You just have to trust me on the road, but is was funny to hear you say, wow stop, stop, stop. Watch that car.. Look out!
We went to the windmill in Amsterdam-East. Did some tour in de Pijp. We ended in a pub in de Jordaan.
On Tuesday we have been relaxing, had dinner and chill on the sofa, because you had to go to Prague the next morning at 5.00 am.
So you left to Prague and I kept working at my brothers place being dizzy the whole week.. pff.. too many impressions the last week with you. Seen Amsterdam on the touristside.
On Sunday the 29 April, you arrived at the airport. You wrote: When looking for me... look for the man with no shoes! So I did. You arrived and there I see you with no shoes. People are stairing at you. Walking without shoes from Prague to Amsterdam. You look outside and you see me. And you talk only with your mouth, because I can’t here it. I’m standing on the other side of the wall. But you just say: look I am barefoot, that’s ART!! So you wait till your luggage arrives. A man sees you picking up your luaggage with your easel and he goes like.. Aahh an artist! To his family.
So off we go again with the train to Amsterdam and from there we take the scooter, you, barefeet. And when we are walking, 2 boys passed by nearly 12 years old. Heeyy he has no shoes! Mister what did you do with your shoes? I gave him to a homeless person. And you had your joint in one hand. So the boy askes you: do you have fire??
We went with the ferry to Amsterdam-Noord.
Preparing for the next day. Queens Day!!
So and that morning I woke up because of a telephone call. My friends Roland and Mirjam from Rotterdam were arriving, So I stood up, clean up my house because we made a mess of it. Had to hurry and you too. So when they arrived, we had some coffee and we went to the centre. We started on Waterlooplein. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining. Everywhere bands, alcohol and orange! A lot of orange!
At first we went to a coffeeshop to get some weed. After that we went back to Waterlooplein. There was like a fleemarket. Boats in the canal with a lot of music. So you found an orange overall. You looked nice in it. J (So gay!)
We lost our friends, cause I had to go to the toilet. Girls started to write something down on that orange thing of yours. But before that you wanted to lite your joint, but you sarted to cough, so I got all of your weed on my t-shirt! And the other girl got the burning ash on her. So you tought that she wrote: go fuck your self! Next day you asked and I said: no it was me! Happilly we didn’t lose each other. Es un milagro! Cause it was croudy, too many people. You lost your jacket, and happily you had taken all our stuff out your pockets from the jacket. Including my phone, I thougt it was still in your jacket, so I went back.. You saw me disappear in the croud.. I didn’t find your jacket. So when I arrived, you had my phone in your hands. I could have kissed you! That was in the gaystreet. Regeluliersdwarsstraat.
We walked trough the canals having fun, drinking, dancing. You were standing next to canal, having fun and dancing. I had to pee, so you say you can do it hear next to the canal. Where everybody could see me. I said no thanx, So we went into a restaurant. There was a very long queue. You said I pay 10 euros if she can go first, and than all the women in front of us gave you a deadly look! We wanted to have some air and we were standing on a bridge. And a guy comes up to you and aske, if you have trousers underneath the overall. And say. Yes. He tells you that his friend fell in the canal, and they need pants. At first you say no, but very quickly you say yes for 10 euros!! So there you were standing on the Keizersgracht taking of your pants, in your underwear changing clothes.
You you really like to party and the guy says ‘oh you really like to party?? I’ve got some tabs. And you ask me ‘can I trust this guy? And I say: yeah and you go: are you sure? An and they said that they had some tabs.. 6. So we took it and went partying on. We took one tab.
I think after that we lost it. Actually before that. When you changed your clothes, you forgot your wallet, almost everything. You had put it on the floor. I say to you, hey your wallet!
We were dancing, laughing and having fun, and writing down things on our shirts.
At the end we had a few more tabs.. We just lost it.. the way I guess, because when you are partying with a lost artist, who likes to walk barefeet from airport to airport you just know that you will lose the way, where you were walking on.
I can remember that we were walking down to the Max Euweplein, and you say to me take of your shoes. So I did. We are dancing but you are really stamping with you feet on the ground and their you go. You stamp right in to something… Autsjj.. A guy said to you hey your bleeding. It was a lot of blood. It was getting late, it was dark I think around 10 o’clock. So we asked if they on a bar outside if they had something to help you. They gave us napkins and we had to go to the emergencyroom.
We went sitting next to the canal and you say to me that I have to pull it out of your heel. Normally I am not that caring haha.. but it did, cause you were in pain.. Haha.. just kidding I don’t think you did feel something that moment.
I am pulling on something but I didn’t know what that was. So you keep saying keep pulling! Jerk on it! I will but it’s huge! And their it was.. a big piece of glass, cause it was so stuck up in your foot I had to pull real hard, and when I was looking what came out of your foot, it was huge!! So we put on our shoes and went to a hotel of a friend of mine. I ask where is Sander? And the guy said, oh the police is looking for him.. Something with fraud..
We had something to drink over there and we could’nt get a cab. But we were so messed up, so we went to another hotel. We entered the hotel and you start, well we did some x but we need to lie down for a moment, the lady starts to laugh, she said well the price is normally 95 euro, but you can get it for 75. J
We went to the room, and their was a scaffolding. You said to me that I had to come and sit outside. I was cold doing too much drugs, so I took the blanket, and we were lying between the construction. We almost fell a sleep underneath the blankets. But than the phone rang. It was Roland, asking where we were. So we had to go home. We picked up our stuff and we called a cab and we took off.
I am walking barefeet now, you are walking behind me. I laugh at you and as I walk downstairs, I slipped and I fell off the stairs. Boingboingboing and off I went. I hear you say something like, oh let me help you.. and off you go also.. haha.. This happens in seconds I wanted to hold on something but I couldn’t, cause you were right behind me. So I had to go all the way off the stairs on my behind. When we reached the floor, we are walking with our arms up high. We are okay! We are okay! With a big smile. The nice lady asked where we were going, and we said.. oh we go home, we only needed to rest, bye!
So that is how our queensday ended.
The day after I started with a new job. When I arrived home we went to mc donalds to eat something. And we went sightseeing windmills. We went to coffeeshop de Dampkring, that ‘s where they filmed oceans 12 and bought some spacecake. That’s better cause the weed gets into the blood J.
On Wednesday we went to Rotterdam. I had a bad day and the weather was lovely.
Rotterdam was nice, but it’s got so much new buildings because the Germans had bombed it in 1940-1945. So I felt a little bit guilty of my mood swing that day. So to cheer us up we went to Scheveningen. A place near the beach. We had dinner and it was such a nice weather. We had dinner as the sun disappeared at the horizon. After that we went to my brothers’ place to trade the car again for the scooter.
On Thursday you picked me up at Central Station en we went to Marco’s place, you had a little moodswing, but anyway we wanted to hav fun so we decided to go and do some karaoke. So we did. I had to sing first, but you know? I can’t sing at all. But I think you noticed that! So you really liked it because you wanted to do more songs, we took a tab, the party starts all over again. We went to a bardancing, but I was so drunk, that I decided to go home on my scooter, but you wouldn’t give me the keys. Blabla.. Anyway I left and you stayed. I went to my scooter, I wanted to go, but then I realized that it wasn’t that responsible.
So I crawled at that moment to a cab. He brought me home. You had one of my phones and at 5.23 hours you called me that you were arriving. And you were with a jewish cab driver, and my ringtone is a sound from southpark, and it has to do with a fucking jew. So when you took the phone out of your pocket, you will hear: Hey you fucking jew! I think he was pissed because you did not arrive at home after 20 minutes, I starte d to worry so I put on my clothes went outside looking for you with my sleepy head. I wait to go downstairs with the elevator and there you are.. The cabdriver left you at the wrong building! Haha!
We did so many things, it is too much. But when I think of you I smile. We are so different from the outside en so much alike from the inside. J
I laughed a lot of all your stories what you had done on this trip. I really loved it, having you around, but now you go back home again, to Stacey and Adria. Bye for now!
I left my job, my boss, my car and my home I'm leaving for a destination I still don't know somewhere nobody must have duties at home And if you like this, you can follow me So let's go
Follow me And let's go To the place where we belong and leave our troubles at home Come with me We can go To a paradise of love and joy A destination unknown
Now I won't feel those heavy duties no more My life gets better now I finally enjoy Yes all the people wanna come here and so Come on and join us you can do that now Let's go
Follow me And let's go To the place where we belong and leave our troubles at home Come with me We can go To a paradise of love and joy A destination unknown
We left the city, the pollution, the crowd The air is clear, the ocean's blue, I love that sound we're happy for this destination we found And if you want this, you can follow me Let's go
Follow me And let's go To the place where we belong and leave our troubles at home Come with me We can go To a paradise of love and joy A destination unknown
TAINTED LOVE
Sometimes I feel I've got to Run away I've got to Get away From the pain that you drive into the heart of me The love we share Seems to go nowhere And I've lost my light For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night
(chorus) Once I ran to you (I ran) Now I'll run from you This tainted love you've given I give you all a boy could give you Take my tears and that's not nearly all Oh...tainted love Tainted love
Now I know I've got to Run away I've got to Get away You don't really want IT any more from me To make things right You need someone to hold you tight And you'LL think love is to pray But I'm sorry I don't pray that way
(chorus...)
Don't touch me please I cannot stand the way you tease I love you though you hurt me so Now I'm going to pack my things and go Tainted love, tainted love (x2) Touch me baby, tainted love (x2) Tainted love (x3)
MY WAY
And now, the end is near; And so I face the final curtain. My friend, Ill say it clear, Ill state my case, of which Im certain.
Ive lived a life thats full. Ive traveled each and evry highway; And more, much more than this, I did it my way.
Regrets, Ive had a few; But then again, too few to mention. I did what I had to do And saw it through without exemption.
I planned each charted course; Each careful step along the byway, But more, much more than this, I did it my way.
Yes, there were times, Im sure you knew When I bit off more than I could chew. But through it all, when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out. I faced it all and I stood tall; And did it my way.
Ive loved, Ive laughed and cried. Ive had my fill; my share of losing. And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing.
To think I did all that; And may I say - not in a shy way, No, oh no not me, I did it my way.
For what is a man, what has he got? If not himself, then he has naught. To say the things he truly feels; And not the words of one who kneels. The record shows I took the blows - And did it my way!
THAT'S LIFE
That's life, that's what all the people say. You're riding high in April, Shot down in May But I know I'm gonna change that tune, When I'm back on top, back on top in June.
I said that's life, and as funny as it may seem Some people get their kicks, Stompin' on a dream But I don't let it, let it get me down, 'Cause this fine ol' world it keeps spinning around
I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, A poet, a pawn and a king. I've been up and down and over and out And I know one thing: Each time I find myself, flat on my face, I pick myself up and get back in the race.
I tell ya, I can't deny it, I thought of quitting baby, But my heart just ain't gonna buy it. And if I didn't think it was worth one single try, I'd jump right on a big bird and then I'd fly
I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, A poet, a pawn and a king. I've been up and down and over and out And I know one thing: Each time I find myself laying flat on my face, I just pick myself up and get back in the race
That's life That's life and I can't deny it Many times I thought of cutting out But my heart won't buy it But if there's nothing shakin' come this here july I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die My, My
Have you ever seen an entire city cloaked in Orange and bouncing to the sounds of trance music? I have. This is a must see. Even better than Mardi Gras in my opinion... because everybody just wants to dance.
I just got both of my ears pierced because the tattoo guy was booked for 3 months. I think I've got a Dutch guy that can do my tattoo next week in Amsterdam.. I wonder if I can stream it live to my blog? Any ideas hit me up. Starting to reflect as I prepare for the return trip to Seattle(which I think 1 day is a bad idea and can't wait the next day)...some of the friendships I've made along this journey will last a lifetime even if we never see each other again. You know who you are if you're reading this. Thank you for making me feel not so alone.
The world is full of wonderful people... a few bad seeds really fuck things up. Of course I've done my fair share of fucking things up the past 2 years. So I guess people are just fickle. I am looking at the castle posted above right now as I write this.
I'll be in Prague for 4 nights. Then I'm heading back to Amsterdam for the remiander of my trip. This place is stunningly beautiful. I feel like I shouldn't be here. Like I'm some kind of spy. Weren't these the people who were going to nuke us when I was a kid?
I am done talking about myself for now. A jeaulous man once told me"The man who talks about himself no less about himself than the man who talks about him."
I also will start selling my paintings from here and Ebay to help fund my journey. I hope for your support for me to continue to search for meaning. I feel like I know what I must do... and the journey is just starting.
Please send me a digital photo of the art you now own to be posted here. If you want to share your stories now even better. This was my story. Time to start a new blog.
Tonight was just realization of what I already know...
-Oranized religion is a terrible thing... Jesus, Ghandi, Muhommed, Budha, they are all very sad with what we've done in the name of them. We should all be ashamed... I know I am... but I will continue being a stupid fucking human tomorrow anyhow. -There is a such thing as the devil... I met him tonight! -There is only one truth! Love is the fabric of the unvierse! -Sex is a very dangerous force in the universe... treat it gently or don't treat it at all. -I'm sorry for any pain I have ever caused you all. Especially my dear Stacie.
Peace out my peeps... time to get rested for tomorrow's nonsense!
Time for a nap. Please no one kill me... I was just having a chat with the creator. No tattoos no death! Shit should I clean up this blog or leave my freak out for you all too see. I think you should all see my broken heart for what it is. I have fulfilled my purpose here. Now will tomorrow lead me home... or to the other places where evil wreak! I just want what we all will love!
They smoke weed all day... wake and bake... smell like fucking tequilla from the night before! It's Easter fucking Sunday... here's my broken fucking heart lord! ...me fucking lost out of my fucking mind on a box load of shrooms. I found myself between the Red District and a fucking big stupid ass fucking CHURCH!!! Happy Fucking Easter people! Is this what we become.... oh fuck!!!!!!!
We are alll going to hellllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh fuck! When will I stop tripping!!! Where are my fucking cigarettes!!!!!! All I have to do is eat that bread and come down... but I can't!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!! When will it end!!!!!!!
I'll let you know how it goes. I bought this box for 15 bucks. They were picked this morning. It's a beautiful day here in Amsterdam... time for some sitting by the canal making art.
Stacie was kind enough to visit me for a few days. It was sometimes heart breaking but all in all a pleasent time. She was very kind in delivering me a new iPod and my shiny new Credit Crad. Thanks Stacie... you've always been my friend.
Sorry things didn't turn out better. It was nice to recognize your face in a world of strangers.
Something I did or said really made Adria avoid me! Sorry sweet heart... I will always love you. I hope to see you when I get back. Enough about hearts... Do you know what a land of bicycles is like? Close your eyes and imgane people being free enough to lay in the streets on acid without being run over by a car. This place us truly the best.
The food is sooo good... best Pizza on the planet!
Established in 1820! It is rumored to be the oldest bar in Barcelona. The decor is pretty ancient. Bottles that nobody has touched for over a century, floods of cob webs and dust, tables of marble and old mirrors. This bar was founded by a native of Marseilles who introduced the Absinth, this hallucinogenic drink came from France. Many people like Picasso and GaudÃ, artists, Bohemians and also sailors, prostitutes and vagabond drunkards frequented this bar in earlier days. Nowadays the clientele is basically composed by young people. I seemed to be the only person making art here.
I´m not having a good day. I so wish my life was back the way it was 4 years ago. I want to come home. Oh right I don´t have a fucking home! My home is my backpack! Fuck! Oh well off to drink my ass into a stupor and hand out free art that I´ve been slaving over all day! Fuck! Is it obvious... I´m not having a good day!
I am alive... no doubt. But today is one of those days that the hurt in my heart makes my eyes water. May you all feel alive like I do. Somedays it makes me scream with elation! Somedays I can´t get out of bed and cry myself back to sleep... but I am alive... thank God I feel something!
Someone wrote this in my journal when I wasn´t in control of it. I think it´s beautiful.
"Old enough to know better Too young to care I´ve emptied my pockets And the rain is in my hair My art is soaked from sitting on the the street I´ve nowhere to go and no one to meet But I´ll draw my pictures That no one will ever see I feel quite fucked but I´m still looking for weed So I recieve my drawing pad back And I finish my OWN life"
-Anonymous
This person had me summed up pretty fucking good... not to mention it was a cold rainy night and I was indeed soaked... and indeed handing out art that you all will never see.
Nothing like a nasty fever blister to scare off women. I must be drinking too much... this is my second so far in three months. Hopefully love sees through these stupid fucking eye sores. I want a wife. I want love. Sometimes I feel so alone why can´t I have the kind of love I once had. I want a beautiful woman´s soul to love me. I need love. Without it I feel like Vincent Van Gogh. Does some one need me to cut off my fucking ear? Will someone love me if I promise to never have sex with them! Or cut off my fucking ear! Fuck! I am so alone... I don´t want to go back to my hostel. Am I too crazy to love? Fuck you God! Love sucks! AAAaaaaaaarrrrrggggghh!
Funny story. I was working out some ideas in my journal the other night. Then I met some Americans who are in the anti-terrorism business. What a fun bunch of folks to be in such a serious business. The owner was a petite chic from Hong Kong she had a laugh that could topple a building. And what she lacked in size she made up for in character. Anyhow, I had a really great time talking with them and Stewart the CFO was a really cool guy that helped me cut a rug without getting my ass kicked. Anyhow, I was telling them about the fact in Amsterdam you can buy pure MDMA(xtc). There had been so much bad xtc going around and people were getting sick that the fucking awesome ass Dutch government set up a program to ensure that anyone wanting xtc could be sure it was pure. So now ,supposedly, in all the discotheques there is a government appointed person that is there solely to test your xtc for you and let you know if it is real or not. So because of this Amsterdam now has the most consistently pure xtc on the planet. After telling my new friends this we were all going to jump on a plane and head to Amsterdam. As the night went on they realized it was just a dream for them...and I was bummed I couldn´t go with the crazy fun group. So they bought me drinks all night... my friend tequilla... ran heavy. I started ripping drawings out of my journal and handing them to girls, bar staff, and the owner of the club. I told them I was the greatest artist of all time. They asked why and I said, "Because I am the best!"... "I am ART!". So as I meandered the streets at 5am buzzed out of my head. I screamed, "I am the best!" at everyone I saw. Artist´s ego... doh! I really need to get settled into a studio so I can prove to anyone reading this that I am the best... ha...ha(honestly there is no such thing as the "best artist" there is only a person performing at his or her best) I´ve just been distracted by my so called life until now. It´s really difficult to paint master pieces in my hostel. But as an aritist it is my job to make people feel. Based on how much chaos/laughter/anger I´ve caused over here... I think I´m doing pretty fucking good as an artist... paint brush or no paint brush. So anyhow on with the story... yesterday I took a break from art to grab a beer and some dinner. As I wandered down the Rambla. People would occasionally scream "You are the best!" At first I was a little embarrassed but then I embraced it and screamed right back,"YES!I am the fucking BEST!" Late last night I got into an arguement with 1 French guy about the fact he thought that I couldn´t be the best... then like magic someone I had given a really good drawing of 2 girls making out to whipped out the folded paper... and said he is the best! I don´t know if it was because I drew 2 chics kissing or he thought it was an awesome drawing... but at that point he said, "Okay...maybe you are the best" Maybe he just wanted to be my friend in case the sexy lesbos were near. Oh well... "I am the best!" Now if I could only be the best at the following: working out, not drinking/smoking or taking drugs, being a better son/brother/lover, being a better listener, being humble, being at peace... I´d truly be the more than the best artist.
I hope you all are the best in your own lives... at whatever it is you think is important. It´s a life long journey that is always something to drive toward. I believe no one will believe it unless you believe it. So I´m standing by my belief... "I´m the fucking best living artist!" It doesn´t matter what anyone else thinks... I know it... and that´s enough.
I´m getting the itch for some Dutch culture. After I go apartment hunting in Cadaques. I think next week I´m gonna head to Amsterdam for some painting, weed and xtc. Anyone want to join me? Doesn´t this picture make you want to get stoned? It does me... where´s my credit card. I´ll keep you all posted... just thought I´d throw out an invite to all my homies before I go.
Spain is my favorite place besides Amsterdam. I will be here for a week or so. Then heading back to Cadaques to do a serious search for an art studio. I admit though occasionally I do get a little homesick. I miss my friends. I miss having a normal life sometimes. I really miss my paycheck and my kitchen.
Somedays I feel right on track. Other days I feel like ¨What the fuck am I doing here?¨ How did my life take such a dramatic change of direction? I thought I was going to start a family this year. Now I´m half way across the planet trying to figure out who I am. Huh? I definitely feel alive... I admit that. But taking everyday as it comes can be pretty damn scary. What will tomorrow bring? God only knows... hopefully a kitchen.
Anyhow not complaining. It´s just raining outside and I´m feeling a little gloomy today. That´s life... time to go throw myself into some art making... and get in the zone. Go away rain!
So these are the 2 paintings I was comissioned to do for 500 bucks. A very nice woman from Miami(if I remember correctly)... comissioned me to do them while I was painting on the streets in Marseille. I was praying to God asking him I was truly on the right track. Not more than 5 minutes later this woman and her secretary approached me and asked me to do these pieces for her. They said they were in their office and thought it would be really great to get a painting done for a dear friend. Then her secretary said she looked out the window and there I was painting on the street below. She told her boss, "there's a painter right down there on the street." The rest is history. I hope she likes them. Even thought I delivered them a day late. Pretty sporty for an artist I think. She's lucky she got them at all artists are the biggest procrastinators.
Just kidding actually... her boyfriend is one of the art clubbers. But I told her I was gonna post her photo on my blog as my French girlfriend. At which point she desperately tried to delete this photo from my camera. I'm just putting this up here to make her cringe when she see it. As I'm sure she's probably checking to make sure I don't post it. she is quite a cutie though don't you think? Yum!
For anyone that is single and an artist. The best way to meet people is to draw or paint in public. If you are truly good you will never be short on friends. On this night I was drawing in the local pub. A group celebrating a birthday struck up a conversationwith me. "What are you drawing" Wow that's cool. As the night progressed I recieved free drinks. As they watched I asked, "Would you guys like to draw as well." That was recieved with great enthusiasm. Then like wild fire it became a midnight art class. What fun art is! Anyhow, later they drove me to a discotheque which a a heavy metal room. Awesome! I lost track of them as the night went on and met 2 Arab guys who smoked a hash joint with me and gave me a ride back to the hostel. One of them kept screaming "I love Cocaine!" Crazy adventure this is. Everyone should throw themselves at the unknown at least once in their life. Their are many interesting, sincere, and generous crazy fucking people out here. Everyone one of them thinks I'm supposed to be something. These guys kept telling me that my karmic energy was overwhelming and that they were sure I was in the process of changing the world. Maybe... maybe not. That's not important... changing myself is important... and I think that is in full bloom. I love this choice that I have made. My life is so much richer for this experience already. It makes me want to see more. Maybe Thailand or China... perhaps Egypt. How will I ever stop now. the nomad life is so fulfilling... I need to figure out how to make money doing this so it doesn't have to end. Note it's not all roses though I've spent 4 nights freezing my ass off while sleeping on benches with no blankets. I broke into a shed last night to get out of the cold when I missed the hostel curfue. Have incredible blisters on my feet. I had one stretch of no shower for 4 days. And washing clothes can be seen as a true luxury. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Where will I be tomorrow? God only knows... but my realization is that this planet is a tiny place with many good people and many bad people... but if you believe that "Love is all you need" you'll be quite fine.
Let's just call him Fab for now. Anyhow I was staying at the Hostel in Marseille, and one of my room mates didn't speak any English. However, I was fascinated because he had a tear tattooed on his right cheek. What did this mean? I was intrigued to say the least. So I started to attempt communication. In a struggle over 6 days... I was able to teach him basic English. He taught me to understand French even though I refused to speak it. I think it's important for the French to speak English... since it seems to me French is a dying language. Anyhow... he was going through a divorce, had a 3 year old daughter, no job and no home. Over the next several days he conveyed his struggles to me. He had been in French Prison for over ten years, could not get a job or a new home because of his tattoos and past. Apparently, it is impossible to fire or evict someone once they've been hired or move into a place. I spent several evenings trying to calm his nerves after hearing him outside screaming at his wife over the phone. I could feel his anger. I knew this pain... I did not get the jist of what happened between he and his wife... and quite frankly did not want to know. I just tried to keep his spirits up. I gave up a few days of painting to wander the beach listening to him bitch in French and broken English. One of these days we happened upon a Quick burger(a French McDonald's) I asked him if I could buy him a burger. He said no way would he ever set foot inside a quick burger. Then the story began to unfold... when he was a teenager he attempted to rob a Quick burger. "Give me all your money!" The kid behind the counter said "We just dropped the night's cash in the safe. I don't have any money." At this point Fab raised his pistol and shot the kid in the face at point blank range. He did not kill the kid... but inhiliated his left eye... and pretty much destroyed his face. This is why he was in Prison. Later that night he rolled up his sleeves and showed me the most amount of scars I'd ever seen on some one's arms. He had attempted an escape over a razor fence and was unsuccessful. Wow what a fucking story. He was still angry at himself and French society for not giving him a second chance now. He said I was the only person in years to look him in the eyes and treat him like a friend. He was very generous to me. My shoes were quite smelly from all the walking. He gave me his extra pair of Nikes and a cool shirt he thought I'd like. I'm wearing both the shoes and the shirt as I write this. I gave him a painting... and many hours of my ear. For those of you that pray... give a shout out to your God for my dear troubled friend Fab. He is really close to the end of his rope... I hope he can find a less troubled road. He left the Hostel today because he ran out of money. But before he left he shared 2 things with me... first he showed me a bottle of Methedone(this is not a good thing) and the name he has given me... "Creature of Destiny". Cool name for my book if I ever finish it.
This is a blog entry from my laptop... it is out of sync with the rest of the entries... but I finally have internet access to add it.
So in Spain men have to be men, except on Mardi Gras day. All the boys that strut around with male male bravado all year dress up like women on this day. It is a huge tranny fest. This became a problem for me... I ill explain later. Anyhow crazies, intellectuals, geniuses, artists, philosophers, drug addicts, hippies, musicians, and lost souls show up here in Cadaques. It is legal to smoke marijuana on the street. You can have 3 pot plants in your home. Cocaine, XTC, heroine, and LSD are easy to come by. I met a really cool Austrian guy that rides a yellow bicycle. The whole village knows this man. He is super cool... he is enlightened. Anyhow, people told me he was the king of pure LSD in the town. Well I thought "I have not done LSD since I was about 19 years old... what better place to try this again than Dali's home town" So I did. He warned me only to take half... but I took the whole thing anyway. Oh my... "hello God, how are you?" So when I started to come up I hung out in the bar that Dali and Picasso frequented. I warned the bartender of my situation and told him if I started acting crazy or was about to get mysef in trouble to warn me. By this time it was about 4am... so I started to talk to a local that was on something I was not privy to. He started to make me nervous so I politely moved from where I was sitting. About fifteen minutes later he showed up with his arm around one of his friends wearing a dress. Now I realize this was his best friend that he wanted to introduce to the new gringo in town... but I thought he wanted me to go home with him and his gay lover... so I said, "Oh... I'm ot gay... sorry." I thought that was the end of it. About 3 minutes later I turn around... he smiles at me... and then open hand slaps the shit out o me. He was obviously very offended. Then everyone started screaming at him in Spanish that I was tripping... I fled... but was followed by a guy who was kind of baby sitting me. He calmed me down in broken English and told me to stand on the beach and find some peace. I yelled at the top of my lungs "Where the fuck are you GOD?" I threw rocks into the ocean then covered my head with sand... "Where are you GOD?" He sat on the bench behind me cooly taking a smoke watching me freak out. He said he was god and i was god... but the devil lives in the village as well... evil lurks everywhere good lurks... so beware was his advice. He asked if I needed a ride back to my hotel to clean up. I said sure.
We jumped on his Vespa and headed back. I don't know how many people reading this have ever taken acid... much less pure acid... but a high speed Vespa ride in the dark in a european seaside village was one of the most exhilerating this I've ever done. the cobble stone and walls blurred past his streaming/shaking headlight. It was amazing. Something I'll never forget.
Anyhow, he dropped me at my hotel and dissappeared into the night. I haven't seen him again. I grabbed my jacket and strolled the beach and winding streets by myself. I found a secluded spot on a beach and watched the sun come up over the sea. It was at this moment that everything in the world was in complete harmony. It was at this moment I felt complete Love and Peace from the universe. I was in God and God was in me. My mind resonated in complete nirvana for what I estimate to be about 4-10 minutes. My path is crazy... no doubt... my mouth is sometimes more trouble than it's worth... if I could only be quiet... I would. But I can't. That said I'm not scared of anything, even death. My life is rich and full and am happy to be here now. I'm even happy for the slap in head.
Update: The last night in Cadaques the slap in the face guy and I become great friends. He introduced me to all of his pretty girlfriends... gave me a sofa to crash on and fixed me breakfast in the morning. I didn't even have to sleep with him...LOL. Before I left he said I could take as much Marijuana as I could carry in one hand out of his grocery bag full. I rolled myself a fat joint and called it good. I don't want this guy slapping me again(Better a slap than a punch though... he really could have knocked me out with a fist).
