Paradigm Shifting Suffering

I take personal safety as a calculated risk. If I'm the pilot I  give loose restraints to my choice. Occasionally, I get to kiss  death on the cheek, speed away with a two fingered devil horn  salute, a glance or two in the rear view... and a whew. On these  days I think about my life and what I've accomplished. What would I  like to say as my last breathe of words... what comes to mind is,  "Wow that was fun, wow nature is ruthless and brutal, can't believe  I lasted this long, too bad so many humans are douche bags, I hope  I confused, concerned, enlightened, twisted or "even better" loved  you, I hope I don't have to do this again, and how many square  meters of fire does my family own exactly, be nice to each other  dumbass fucking meat puppets... do you realize how small this  sphere is? and how much damage I could incur to this tiny little  ball of dirt if I really had decided to? He's out there and he's  working on it already. Be safe, be nice, be respectful, be  generous, and be strong.

Seriously, I've value everyone and to the animals I ate a special  BIG ups. Some of you were an instance of pure love prepared by some  one with love for me. I fell in love more than once while eating  your flesh. I've thought of it often and still eat meat sorry, I'm  a Devil. However I did try and appreciate the countless lives of  livestock and insects I've killed along my journey. Tis a brital  world sucks to be you. Today, in shower I saw a grand daddy long  legs spider crawling along the edge. I thought "wow I bet these  giant water drops are deadly to his tiny little spindly legs," So I  cupped my hands under the shower head and diverted water on top of  his location in space time. I just wanted to see if he was truly  that delicate. His legs immediately collapsed under the weight and  the surface tension in the small water puddle held him crippled. I  returned later to see him lifeless. I thought wow, how cruel a God  would create a life so delicate that heavy rain water or a  philosopher in a shower would be so deadly.

Suffering to me is a completely unessecary and God who loves you in  any way would not have created such game full of danger and pain.  Why is it that you even know what safe and pleasurable feel like? Because you need to know what pain feels like? Seems pretty cruel idea that such a violent beast would be trying to comfort me at all? It's  good to be top of the food chain, but just witness the vicious  killing machine that compromises nature. It survives on death and  destruction. I'm most afraid of it. Call it God, Creator, Jah, etc.  It's not something I would worship out of respect or love. Rather,  if I worshipped at all, it would probably be due to intimidation  and fear, but instead I signed up to be in my family so that I maY USE EVERY LAST jEDI SKILL IN ORDER TO END SUFFERING ALTOGETHER. The architect is violent... it gave me the idea of violence. I bring passivism to a violent source in order to request changes. SUFFERING MUST END BY SOME FUNDAMENTAL TWEAK IN REALITY. I'M HERE TO PUSH ON THAT TWEAK.

The "SAVE" Loveless Program

I sit here in a cabina at Rocking J's wondering why this woman is even a consideration in my decisions. I reflect on everything I've accomplished on these grounds. My favorite beach... my favorite past. My greatest achievements as an artist and philosopher have occurred here over the past 3 years. I've seen friends die. I've heard friends lie. I've tasted friend's cries. I tried to tell them how to treat and deal with me as Chris, as Loveless, and as the DEVIL. They always question my motives and my ways. Many people in my life try to save me. These friends usually need saving themselves. So more often than not I let them try to do what they think I need. I try to be as true as I can without changing my ways. I hope that they might learn about themselves more than learning about or fixing me. I have evolved into a truly free spirit. I live by this principal. Allowing people to interfere or suck my energy is always my main concern. The most dysfunctional people in my life are the most eager to volunteer for the job of re-habbing "Loveless". Ma and Pa Dope are obvious exceptions, although the humans might label them dysfunctional for various reasons I'm sure.

So usually it starts with a newly single friend or one that is going through a divorce kind of thing. So far they all know of my failed marriage. They are all looking for an excuse to party. They are all experiencing loneliness and heart break for the first time. They seem to see me as their future junkie selves, and they want to save me. I assume they may subconsciously think, "Wow, if I ever get like Loveless I hope that some one will save me. I'll save him." So this has occured more times than you might think. Sometimes, it's a 3 day event or a several month epic drama. The bonding strand of similarity is that it usually ends in a violent or extremely dramatic display of angry energy. I always see it coming into my moment, but instead of avoidance I let the moment of collapse come. Several times I thought that this person may indeed kill me. They are in moments of rage as I stand patiently absorbing their negativity. I always remain calm. That's not to say that my mind isn't racing with escape strategies and calculations on their current sanity and anger levels.

I often wonder what their breaking point was exactly. Was it their acceptance of the fact that I didn't change? Was it acceptance or realizatiopn of their own predicament?  Was it their realization that they are not free or happy? Or simply that I didn't conform to their idea of who they think I'm supposed to be? Whatever it is, it inevitably happens. This breaking point eventually and predictably happens to everyone that attempts to save me. As sure as the sun shines... this moment of irrationality comes as well. I'm tolerant up to a point. I stand there often wincing to the continual spit spray of profanity projected from their mouths. I tell them that I love them and to relax. I re-assure them that I'm listening and understand. This is where things either go violent or go calm. It's this confrontational moment they'd been seeking the whole time. I'm just a reflection of them. Everything they yell in this free fall moment they are yelling at themselves. Everytime after this moment of confronting me with their all their problems their lives fork permanerntly, some in bad ways and some in good ways. Depends on on their karmic reflection . There is this Devil in me thats spins negative bullshit back at you through the universe space time thing-a-majig. The harder you scream at your reflection the harder the energy immediately comes streaming at you. I usually do nothing more than stand there unless the situation turns violent. Then i chose the quickest way to leave this coordinate in order to assess next actions. I only judge those that judge. And as long as this never comes into play in this exchange. I will remain silent. Once an immediate attack on my character occurs. I will immediately take offensive intellectual action to annihilate your logical ability to even think of challenging me. Most folks never cross this line only the few. It's pretty humiliating for them. The moment they realize they are completely wrong and I am completely right. Sucks. Very few people can even shake my philosophical, spiritual, diabolical Devil. Jedi's, Devils, Buddhas, and Rockstars are smarter than to cross into my anger zone altogether. Thanks.

So if you are one of the "saviors", you should probably start by saving yourself instead or invite the Devil into your situation if you need a dramatic answer to easy questions. AMEN! Save yourselves friends. I'm totally good with the giant electron. Be nice!