So I was talking outside of a disco tech with some people about God. I was telling them that religion has ruined God's name. I was telling them that the only thing Jesus preached was unconditional love for anyone... PERIOD. This fact seems to be lost on most Christians. Apparently it's okay to judge and hate as long as you believe Jesus rose from the dead. What the fuck? That is the silliest thing I've ever heard. All you have to have is unconditional love for your fellow humans... PERIOD. About halfway through this conversation. I felt a hand reach in my pocket in an attempt to steal my iPod. I grabbed his wrist and turned around. I exclaimed, "Are you trying to steal my iPod?" He said "Yes, and the second you walk away from this bar... I'm gonna get it too." So there were about 20 people out there waiting on rides or cabs listening to what they thought was my drunk talk about religion. At this point all eyes were on me. I pulled the iPod out of my pocket and held it in front of his face. I asked if he was hungry. He said no. I asked if he was broke. He said no. I asked then why does he want to steal my iPod? He said because he wanted it. So I then said, "You can have this iPod if you assume the responsibility that comes along with it. Are you willing to have a life of bad karma, sickness, poverty, and pain? Evil and bad luck will follow this iPod as long as it is in your possession everywhere it goes from this moment on. Do you want this stupid fucking iPod so much that you are willing to spend eternity in hell for it?" He said, "Yes."(With a shit eating grin on his face). So I told him, "May you learn the error of your ways by accepting this iPod. May God have mercy on your soul. You have made the wrong choice. The iPod is yours. Bad luck will follow you as long as you posses it. Good luck... I'll pray for your soul." I handed him the iPod. He held it up in victory. He was smiling ear to ear. His friends were not. They were scared. They didn't think it was wise to screw with God like that. So one of the bouncers asked who I was. I told him, "Yo es Dios."(I am God) Then I handed him my business card that has "One free pass into the gates of Heaven" printed on the back. He was absolutely freaked out. He said his religion was now about one thing. Love. Love is the fabric of the universe. And he knows I speak truth. He said Christianity had indeed ruined Jesus' word. And that I was right. He realized I was true when I gave away my iPod. This is where things really fell apart. His friend punched him in the chest and said for him to wise up. Then fueled by alcohol... the scuffle started. There was pushing,screaming,yelling, and punching. English ended and heated Spanish began at a frantic pace. I figured I was gonna get killed or crucified at this point so I jumped in the first cab I saw. Then in a panic I checked my wallet. Not only had he tried to steal my iPod... but he also stole my debit card and all the money I had with me. I told the cabby... and was thrown out immediately. It was a 3am 7 mile walk back to the hostel and check out was at 11am since I had no money. My mouth is going to be the death of me for sure.
