Adam Goldberg's wife is no longer with us

I found out tonight from my life long best friend John Paul Leonard that Adam's wife died last year from Lupis. Adam has always been a deep soul and fan of my work. John told me he helped hang Salvador Dali prints at his house in Kennesaw, GA this afternon. I made a promise to John that I would bury "one free pass to heaven" (inspired by Pope Dano) for Rachel on the beach in front of Dali's house. May Rachel rest in peace. She was a beautiful soul... whose time was tragically cut short. A reminder of why my journey is so important. Time here is short. Make the most of it.

Adria... My New Muse

Her name is Adria. She works as a bartender at the Mars Bar. She is a writer, singer, artist and muse. When my life started to fall apart she was there to witness it. She immediately made an attempt to heal my heart by trying to buy me a subscription to my favorite art magazine "Juxtapose". She knew I needed to quit my job and took my Adobe badge and pinned it to the wall. I went back the next day to retrieve it. Little did I know 7 months later my badge would be permanently pinned to that wall by her. When I'm in her presence I feel like home. I've always had a little crush on her... but it was only a crush. Thursday January 18th 2007 my feelings for her changed. I went to tell her I had quit my job and was moving to Spain. She spent some time with me after work... I realized that night that I was truly in love with her.

It was time to leave. The bar was closed. I stood out in the cold with the doors locked behind me. As I waited in the cold for a cab I realized that the girl I loved was in there and I was out here. It was at that precise moment that my anger for this fucked up situation and stupid heart of mine set in. It was at that moment that I realized I was going to have more than a door between us... probably forever. I was going to be on the other side of the planet and our lives were most probably going to fork forever. She would never be mine. I started yelling at the Mars bar and banging on the glass... I needed her attention... I needed for her to feel my pain. I think deep down I wanted her to hate me so I could I could hate her. It was too painful to fathom going to Spain with these feelings in my heart. When she came out, I yelled "Fuck you Adria!" I wanted her to say "You're an asshole and I don't want to ever see you again.", but she didn't. I texted messaged her on my way home "U suck". She once again felt my pain and called to make sure I was ok. Why wouldn't she tell me she hated me and never wanted to see me again? Why? I don't know why. All I know is I am in love with her and will always be in love her... and now there is the huge hole in my heart because I know she will never be mine... and I must go on a journey alone without her.

Thank you so much for making me love again. Even when I'm hurting I feel alive in a great way... my heart aches for you... and it feels great. This pain actually feels so good. I am so alive. I love you. Thanks for inspiring me the way Stacie did when I was a kid.

My plan of action

Next week I will be on an airplane to Barcelona Spain. My first stop will be Salvador Dali's house in Port Lligat. I have allowed myself one week of cash to get settled. After that my plan is to live a life that does not include the exchange of cash. Of course in a dire situation I have my nest egg to draw from. My goal is to paint on the streets and barter paintings for food, lodging, transportation, etc. I realize that art has no monetary value. Art is in the world to inspire to others... I am in the world to inspire others. I hope that with every exchange of art I will create a story for the person that aquired my art through exchange of something. In doing this I feel that my life will be art, I will be art, I will be happy, I will die with a smile on my face.

A new life begins

My whole life I have dreamed about one thing... being a great artist. However, I have not been living that dream. The moment has come to start that journey. I quit my job as a software engineer at Adobe Systems. I've given away all of my art that has been sitting hidden away in storage. I committed to my divorce from my eternal love Stacie. Her place as a muse in my life is final... and I hope that we will be friends forever. I have rid myself of all my material possessions. Save one thing. A substantial amount of cash in my checking account.